


The sky is overcast and I'm sorry

by psychomachia



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Falling Asleep As A Sign Of Trust, Fix-It, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Link, Rescue, Stranded, enemy is the only one who truly knows other character, unexpected tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24334057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychomachia/pseuds/psychomachia
Summary: Sometimes, people have carefully thought-out, elaborate plans with ambiguous motivations.Sometimes, Kirito happens.
Relationships: Kayaba Akihiko | Heathcliff/Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito
Comments: 7
Kudos: 138
Collections: Hurt Comfort Exchange 2020





	The sky is overcast and I'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovelit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelit/gifts).



The pain is what he wakes with.

Kirito knows that returning to the real world won't be easy. Two years trapped in SAO, his body no doubt stuck in a bed, while his mind's been separated means reintegration won't be a simple process. And for all the revolutionary tech that went into the NerveGear, he knows there's a dullness to the sensation, a discomfort rather than an agony.

This is agony.

It's a wave that burns through his head, and his thoughts scatter. He thinks he's screaming and this can't be right should it feel like his brain is crumbling like the world around him why does it feel like there's something trying to rip apart every bit of his body.

_Hold still._

_I've almost got you._

Something grabs at him, tugs and he falls against it, stumbling into a solid presence that holds him, steadies him, even as he cries and screams and this can't be real. No, please. No.

No.

“Shh,” a voice says. “I'm working on it.”

“What?”

“You are just determined to destroy all my plans, aren't you.”

He knows this voice. He knows--

“Go to sleep, Kirito-kun. I promise that you'll be fine.”

He shouldn't trust this voice.

He still does.

The world fades away and so does the pain.

* * *

Darkness remains.

“Still not yet,” the voice says. There's something on his forehead, a warm presence that he can feel stroking his hair. “I'm working on your stabilization and your system isn't within acceptable parameters.”

His mouth moves but he doesn't think any words come out.

“You're not capable of speech yet, Kirito, so I wouldn't advise unnecessary actions.” The hand moves and he can hear a faint beep. A menu being pulled up? “Better, though. Nakai-san seems to have gotten your vitals out of critical, so we're not in immediate danger of losing your body.”

The words move past him, slipping out of his head as he tries to grasp them. Instead, what lingers are fragments—a tower crumbling. His friends collapsed on the floor. Swords and a battle and a figure that praises him even as it--

This one?

Two faces, one man, and a voice that says, “Oh,” and stops. There's something warm against his eyes, and he can feel it brushing something away gently. Kirito's senses are spinning away again, as he hears another beep.

A drowsiness comes over him again, like a blanket cocooning him so he doesn't have to think about what's happening.

“You really are so remarkable,” Heathcliff—Kayaba says. “Perhaps--” He trails off and he sounds strangely hesitant. “Well, I suppose we'll see.”

And Kirito's out again.

* * *

That's the thing about being here. He doesn't know how much time has really passed, in between waking and sleeping, and a voice that always tells him how well he's doing, how it's truly amazing that he's overcome something that should have killed him, how he should be proud of himself for everything he's accomplished.

It could be weeks, months, years spent drifting in this strange world of darkness and discomfort. But the pain doesn't return after that first terrible time.

And one day, Kirito opens his eyes to a world he knows.

The slab he's lying on is solid stone, much like the columns that rise high above him and the smooth floor, cool beneath his bare feet. There are arched windows that let in a soft golden light and it's so familiar that he feels something prickle at the corner of his eyes.

“The Chamber of Resurrection,” he says, and his words echo throughout the silent hall. “How?”

“Good call,” a voice answers. “If anyone would recognize it, it would be you.”

Kirito carefully turns around. Kayaba Akihito is standing there, in his final form. It's actually a little funny, he thinks, how he's become increasingly less impressive, going from dark-cloaked god to renowned warrior to man in white lab coat.

“I thought the world was gone,” Kirito says carefully. “I think I remember that. We were watching the system being deleted and--” There's a gap in his memory after, like a missing tooth that responds with pain when you try to probe the missing space.

Kayaba nods. “That was the plan,” he says. “Things didn't go accordingly. There was an... error.” There's a noticeable pause in the last part, but his face remains expressionless.

“Error? Then all the players?” If all this was for nothing, if more people died, if...

“It's all right,” Kayaba reassures. “They were still able to be logged out. You needn't worry, Kirito-kun. Your friends are all safe. “

“Asuna?” She was there with him at the end, wasn't she? He thinks he remembers that.

“Safe,” Kayaba says. “She made it out.”

Kirito relaxes a fraction, but keeps his guard. He still doesn't know all the rules of this new world that apparently has the two of them talking instead of battling for the fate of Aincrad. “And me? Why I am here?”

“Ah,” Kayaba says. “That's a different story. I'm afraid that when it was your turn to be disconnected, something went wrong.”

Alone, Kirito thinks. Well, that's not new or unexpected. “Is this your revenge, Kayaba?” And yet even as he asks it, he knows it's the wrong question.

“Revenge?” Kayaba actually sounds a little amused behind his blank facade. “Well, I suppose in a way. But I wouldn't worry. You're not the target.”

“What does that mean?”

“Even though it's just the two of us here, I'd stick to the first floor,” Kayaba says instead of answering him. “I can't vouch for the safety of any data beyond a few checkpoints.”

“But--”

“I'll be around,” and then his form wavers and he's gone in a flicker of blue.

Kirito flicks his hand up and is not surprised to find that menu access is completely disabled. No logging out, no checking inventory, not even a map function.

“Great,” he says. “That's definitely one way to keep someone from running off.”

* * *

It appears that Kayaba is telling the truth, at least about there being no one else around. The halls of the Black Iron Palace are completely empty. There's also a great deal of glitching – doors that refuse to open, walls not completely rendered, and at least one statue that appears to have a rather horrible distortion that's rendered it a nightmarish blur of pixels.

At least the beta version was finished. This looks like an early build, maybe a demo Kayaba had lying around. If something did go wrong in the deletion process, then the system might have restored them back to the alpha version.

Outside the palace, it's equally quiet. The Town of Beginnings, once so bustling and filled with life, is empty. Even the NPCs are gone. There are buildings missing too, dark holes where something should be and Kirito's careful not to stray too close. Kayaba's a genius with programming, so if he says something's likely to kill him, well, he would know.

So Kirito makes his way out of the town, avoids looking at the gaps in reality, and goes to the West Field. There's no living creature in it, but the wind still blows and there's a feeling of warmth from the very dim sun in the sky, so he figures it's relatively stable.

He lies down and just stares up.

There's nothing to fight, unless you count Kayaba, but that feels curiously wrong. It may have been the answer at first, but this is a different problem and Kirito doesn't think he's gotten all the variables in it. There are things he's missing.

Nakai-san. “Errors.” Revenge.

That black hole in his memory that slips away every time he gets close to it even as a part of his brain says no, don't remember this, don't do anything that would cause you to be hurt.

“I will solve this,” Kirito says.

But for now, he closes his eyes and lets the breeze waft over him.

When he wakes some time later, the wind is cool and there are a few faint stars in the sky. There's a basket next to him and when Kirito opens it, there's some food inside, bread, meat, a flask of water, and a bit of fruit with a note.

_Take care of yourself._

Kirito sighs. “You could just tell me directly,” he says.

* * *

Time must pass because the days begin to blur together.

Kirito knows that Kayaba must be watching him, must be checking up, because the baskets don't stop coming and every now and then he feels a tingle on the back of his neck, like someone is behind him. Of course, whenever he turns, he's alone, but Kayaba is the admin of this world. If he wants to remain unseen, he'll be that way.

A little bit more of the world opens up, too. Tolbana springs up one day, when Kirito is walking around, and to his surprise, the fountain even begins to work. He lets the water spray over his face, smiling a little as he closes his eyes.

When he's finished and looks back, there's a towel neatly laid on the grass.

Kirito stares at it. “Fine,” he says. “But you know I'm not going to get sick from that.”

The next day, there's a forest. After that, another field. There's trees and flowers and doors that start working properly, leading into shops and inns.

But they're always empty. No one else around.

There was a time, Kirito thinks, where this loneliness would seemed the most fitting for him. Where he would have welcomed it, since it met he couldn't hurt anyone, couldn't be close to someone who'd die. He would have loved it.

But now... it doesn't seem like it's meant for him. He gets the strange feeling that he's not living in a world of his solitude, but of Kayaba's. Because Kirito has friends. He has family. He has a purpose.

What does Kayaba live for?

And why does that ping something in his mind, something that crawls out of the abyss and whispers

_you_

* * *

This morning, there's a crack in the world.

Kirito's mapped out the barriers in his limited space, the places he can and can't go. He can feel the walls when he hits a spot he's not allowed to progress past and if he bends his ears and listens, there's a strange hum behind them.

Even though the holes in the world are starting to be patched over, there are signs if you know where to look.

But the crack is new, a jagged thing that splits along the sky where a tall oak meets. It's slight at first.

As he walks towards it, though, he can see it stretch more, fracturing the world until the sky behind it, warps, distorts, grows darker and redder where it leads.

There are sparks coming out, too, and a hissing and buzzing, like a wire's come loose.

“Kayaba?” Kirito asks.

The crack splits more and something dark, shadowy, oozes from beneath it.

Kirito instinctively grabs for his sword.

Shit.

“I don't suppose you'd see about getting my weapons back,” he asks, backing away. He's fast, but he doesn't know the speed on this... thing, and if the world is breaking, it won't matter.

“Kirigaya Kazuto.”

It's not Kayaba.

“No,” he says. “Wrong person.”

“I don't see what's so special about you.” He doesn't recognize the voice. It's petulant and it seems to come from all around him. The sky's mostly red now. “You're nothing but a mistake.”

“I don't what you're talking about,” Kirito says. “But if it's about SAO--”

“It's not fair.” The shape's getting larger, the darkness coalescing into a towering mass. “He develops this and he just wastes it on petty games for children. It could be so much more in the right hands. If he was just out of the way--”

Revenge, Kirito thinks. Kayaba was telling the truth.

It's not about me at all.

He readies himself. If he's going down, he's doing so fighting. “I don't know what your grudge is with Kayaba-san,” he says, “but something tells me you couldn't accomplish half the things he did.”

The air is completely still, but Kirito's been in enough battles to know when your enemy's about to make their move.

“I was just going to kill you for being an inconvenience,” the voice says, “but now I think I'm going to actually enjoy it.”

The shadow moves, enveloping him as it moves far too swiftly to evade, and there's a familiar bolt of pain, a burning that wells up and Kirito's kicking and fighting for all his worth, but it's not going to be enough, because he has nothing, no skills, no weapons, no friends, no one to--

“Sugou,” Kirito hears, and an arm comes up from behind him. The world flares blue and the shadow reels back. “Once again, you understand nothing.”

The familiar sensation of a Teleport is the last thing Kirito feels.

* * *

“I have got to stop passing out and waking up in random places,” Kirito says.

Kayaba has evidently dumped him in a very comfortable, if also exceptionally red bed in a red room with red-tinted windows and Kirito doesn't recognize where he is, but he can make an educated guess.

They've jumped 99 floors to the top. The Ruby Palace.

Kayaba walks in. Thankfully, he's also not in red, or Kirito would have had to just close his eyes and go back to sleep. Kirito struggles to get up, but Kayaba beats him to it and gently pushes him back down.

“You are very high maintenance,” Kayaba says. “Please don't undo all my effort.”

“I think I understand now,” Kirito responds. “That error wasn't an error after all, was it? It was intentional.”

Kayaba's hand, which had been resting on Kirito's chest, freezes. Kirito moves his arm carefully, slowly, and puts his fingers on top of it. The knuckles are clenched tight. “Kayaba?”

“No,” he says quietly. “It wasn't. An old classmate of mine took advantage of some security vulnerabilities to gain access to SAO.”

Something clicks into place with a sharp bolt of pain that sears away some of the dark cloud in Kirito's mind. “When we cleared the game,” Kirito says.

“Yes. He attempted to reroute a number of players to a game for his own personal usage. He's never been quite as capable as me, so when he saw an opening--”

The burning in his mind intensifies. “He was after--” Kirito shakes his head. “He was after me?”

“Not you,” Kayaba replies. “Your friend.”

“Asuna!” Kirito struggles against Kayaba's grasp. “You said--”

“She's fine,” Kayaba says, and his hand moves up towards Kirito's head, rubs along his temples, soothing along the veins. “He tried to get her, but he miscalculated.”

“That was the mistake.” Kirito relaxes into Kayaba's touch, lets the cool fingers feel along his burning hot forehead. He feels nauseous from the pain. “He didn't want me.”

Kayaba smoothes Kirito's hair back. “He was going to get rid of you once he realized what he had done. I couldn't let him.”

“You stopped him?” Kirito closes his eyes as the room spins. “Why?”

“I think you know.” Kayaba's voice is barely a whisper. “Just like you know what I was about to do before--”

Yes, Kirito thinks. I think I do.

* * *

_Stay with me, Kirito. Don't let go._

_There's a mind that grabs hold of his, pulls him back from the edge, back from the thing that's trying to rip him apart, to shred every fiber of him, and he connects with it, feels it click into place next to his as it tries to hold him together._

_It's an empty voice, filled with nothing and it's caused the deaths of so many people, and Kirito thinks he can never forgive it, except that he can see that it doesn't understand why it did what it did, it just wanted to make a beautiful world and live there forever and if there's a chance, if there's the slightest hope, then it will burn itself out to make it happen._

_Except it doesn't. Except it can't. Except he didn't account for Kirito in all of his calculations and plans and the variable looks at him and sees him and their minds connect in the midst of the destruction and_

_Stay with me, Kayaba. Don't let go._

* * *

Kirito wakes up.

Kayaba's lying next to him. His hand is wrapped around Kirito's, holding it tight. His attention to detail in SAO is impeccable because he's drooling into the pillow.

“For the god of this world,” Kirito says quietly, “you could have been a lot more intimidating.”

“I did start out that way,” Kayaba says, and his eyes open. He's gazing at Kirito. “I thought I made quite a good first impression.”

“You were terrifying,” Kirito admits. “And Heathcliff was awe-inspiring in his own way.”

“Thank you.” Kayaba smiles, a small little one, and it's such a strange expression to see on his face that Kirito feels awkward, like he's witnessed something intensely private. He thinks there's a blush on his face.

Kirito ducks his head, tries to get his thoughts back in order. “So what happens now?” he asks. “Sugou's not just going to stop because we foiled him this time.”

The smile fades and Kirito's left feeling strangely bereft. “No,” Kayaba says. “He won't.”

“Even if he didn't get Asuna or me, he still got other players, correct?”

“Yes. A few hundred.” Kayaba looks away. “They're safe for now. “

“Right,” Kirito says. “Then we have to figure how to get out of here. Maybe if we--”

He stops.

Kayaba's silent. He won't look at Kayaba.

The thing about having a connection to someone, Kirito thinks, is that you know when they're trying to tamp that link down, so you can't get a hold of what they're thinking. He's still navigating how this works, the sensation at the back of his mind that means he's never quite alone. In this respect, he's a brand new player to the game.

But only here. Because the one thing he knows better than anyone else in the world save one man, is SAO... and he's beginning to suspect, his creator as well.

“I see,” he says quietly. “We're not stuck here, are we?”

There's a long pause. Kayaba doesn't meet his eyes.

“It's a beautiful world,” he says finally. “We don't have to leave.”

“Kayaba.”

Kayaba lifts his head finally. There's desperation on his face and in his tone. “I can rebuild it,” he says. “I can make it better. Just tell me what you want and I can find a way to make it happen.”

“Kayaba.”

“We don't have to stay here either. We can create a new world of our own design. You and me. Let someone else be the hero, Kirito. You don't have to keep hurting yourself. Just--”

“Akihiko,” Kirito says. “We have to go back.”

It's quiet again. Kayaba watches warily as Kirito gets closer, nestles against the stiff body until Kayaba finally relaxes, letting Kirito settle into his arms.

They just stay like that, holding each other. Kayaba presses a kiss to the top of Kirito's head.

Everyone knows it's easy to fall in love in SAO. All it takes is young adults under the constant, adrenaline-inducing threat of death mixed with a few couples events and it doesn't take an AI to see what happens next. Hook-ups here are as common as the break-ups that immediately follow. At least Kirito has the good fortune to stay friends with his ex.

But this feels different. For one thing, it's scarier.

Here, most problems can be solved with the right line of code or just unlimited admin access. But when they go back, there will be consequences for everything that occurred that can't just be wiped away by a few simple commands.

If he's going to stick with Kayaba, if he's going to stand alongside him and deal with whatever comes as a result of Kayaba's choices, Kirito's going to have to admit that he understands him far better than he should.

He's going to have to admit that he's probably in love with him.

Okay, scratch the probably. Kirito can't lie to himself.

“It'll be all right,” Kirito says. “I promise that you'll be fine.”

There's a trembling against him that settles after a few seconds and Kayaba lifts Kirito's head up with his hand. “I know.” Kayaba closes his eyes and Kirito can feel the thrum of _decision_ echo in his own.

“So how do we--”

Kirito's interrupted as Kayaba kisses him firmly on the lips. He lets himself be lost in it, in Kayaba's embrace that should last so much longer than it actually does.

“Kazuto?”

Kirito's still trying to gather himself, dazed from the fierceness of Kayaba's sudden rush of _love I love you and this is the best way_. “Hmm,” he manages.

“Let go.”

There's a sudden movement of Kayaba's hand, so fast that it takes Kirito a moment to understand what Kayaba's doing and--

“No!”

There's darkness.

* * *

“Wake up,” a voice snarls. “I want you awake for this.”

It's blurry and Kirito's trying to focus. His body feels heavy, a burden weighing him down, and he's too weak to bear it, to lift even a finger.

“What?” His voice comes out in a harsh rasp and he coughs. “Who?”

“I'm sure he told you all about me.” There's a short laugh. It's not kind. “Not that it matters. He's too much of a coward to stick around.”

The room's still spinning slightly, but Kirito forces himself to focus on the dark shape, to sharpen it into view.

Eventually, it stops wavering, solidifies into a man wearing a dark suit, glasses, and a contemptuous smirk on his face.

“Sugou,” Kirito whispers.

“I must have done more damage than I thought,” Sugou says. “Even a 'genius' like Kayaba had to take six months to put you back into your body. Maybe he was trying to figure out if you were even worth putting back in the first place.”

“Go to hell!” He's trying to muster up his strength, because Kayaba wants him to live, wants him to be safe, wants him to--

Be alone.

“I wouldn't try calling out, by the way,” Sugou says. “It seems there was an emergency that called everyone away from anywhere close to you. It's amazing what a few carefully placed bribes will get you.”

“You won't get away with any of this, you know,” Kirito says. “Kayaba knows and he'll--”

Sugou waves his hand. “Please.” He's mocking, dismissive. “We both know he's too busy killing himself to stay in his dream world. He doesn't care about anything else.” His smile widens, gloating. “Did you really think he'd choose you above his glorious plan?”

“Shut up.” Kirito's eyes are filling with tears and it's stupid, he shouldn't feel this way, because of all the people in the world to pick, he chose someone who was guaranteed to leave him alone.

Maybe that's why he did it, he thinks bitterly. Fall in love with the one person that you couldn't disappoint, because they never cared in the first place.

“I mean, really, your story is just so terribly tragic.” Sugou's closer now, leaning over Kirito. “Dead parents, no real friends, the only thing you can connect to is a game that kills you. Really, I'm doing you a favor.” There's something gleaming in his left hand. “No one's going to miss you.”

Kirito blinks back the tears, forces a cool smile on his face. “At least I'm not dumb enough to think that killing a teenager will solve my problems when I know that deep down, it's because I'm never going to be good enough.”

“I'm going to take my time,” Sugou hisses, losing all of his composure. “You're going to beg me--”

“I doubt that.”

Both Sugou and Kirito startle at the interruption, but Kirito's shock is quickly replaced by _you didn't let go_. It's roaring in his head and he knows it's a chorus of two, something that sings in him and makes him laugh in joy even as Sugou whirls around in blind panic and tries to flee.

“You won't make it,” Kayaba says, as Sugou pushes past him. “But I'll be interested to see how far you do get.”

“Kayaba,” Kirito says. “You can't--” He cranes his head, listening.

“I can.” Kayaba sits down on the bed, takes Kirito's hand into his own. “At least for now. Nakai-sensei will be in soon to check on you and then we'll take it from there.”

“I thought you had--” Kirito swallows against the lump in his throat. “He said you were going to.”

“I didn't,” Kayaba says and kisses Kirito on his forehead. “I'm not leaving.”

One of these days, Kirito vows, he's going to stop falling asleep right as things get good.

But for now?

For now, he'll take Kayaba's _I've got you_ down into his dreams.


End file.
